{Baby Grace}

{I don't usually share a lot of super personal stuff on the blog, but i need to share this. On Friday we lost the baby. It was the saddest, scariest thing that I have ever experienced. I was experiencing symptoms for a few days but the doctors kept saying it was ok and to call if it got worse. On Friday I called and they told me to go straight to the ER. When we got to the hospital I was so scared. The cramps were just like contractions and hurt so bad. After it was all over we just cried and i dozed in and out for about an hour. When we walked out of the hospital it had started raining and I was painfully aware that I was empty . It was like nothing I have ever felt. Once we were home I spent the next 3 days just laying in bed crying and sleeping. Everything around me reminded me of the baby. Poor Nicolai just laid with me and took care of me. He is the best husband ever. He made a survival supplies run to Target and came back with everything from Klondike bars to new undies :) Sorry if this is all to personal but I felt like I needed to share and I am realizing how common it is for women to miscarry, but very rarely that you hear about it. The doctor had told us it is sometimes best to wait until 12 weeks to tell people you are pregnant but I'm glad we didn't.  I can't imagine going through this and not telling anyone. Our friends and family have been so supportive. We have received flowers and cards which help so much because it feels like people are recognizing that that was our child we lost, not just a fetus. I'm beginning to feel somewhat normal again. We went and bought a box to put a few baby keepsakes in. I used my baby journal as a sort of scrapbook and wrote a letter in it to Grace. We decided that our baby was a girl and named her Grace. I am trying to get some perspective on the whole situation and slowly things are looking up. No matter how much I miss Grace and wish she were still cozy in my tummy, I know that soon we will be excited for another baby and I'll always have memories of my first little kiddo and how happy she made me.}

{For tonight....comfort food :)}

ali <3