Monday, November 22, 2010

{Baby Grace}

{I don't usually share a lot of super personal stuff on the blog, but i need to share this. On Friday we lost the baby. It was the saddest, scariest thing that I have ever experienced. I was experiencing symptoms for a few days but the doctors kept saying it was ok and to call if it got worse. On Friday I called and they told me to go straight to the ER. When we got to the hospital I was so scared. The cramps were just like contractions and hurt so bad. After it was all over we just cried and i dozed in and out for about an hour. When we walked out of the hospital it had started raining and I was painfully aware that I was empty . It was like nothing I have ever felt. Once we were home I spent the next 3 days just laying in bed crying and sleeping. Everything around me reminded me of the baby. Poor Nicolai just laid with me and took care of me. He is the best husband ever. He made a survival supplies run to Target and came back with everything from Klondike bars to new undies :) Sorry if this is all to personal but I felt like I needed to share and I am realizing how common it is for women to miscarry, but very rarely that you hear about it. The doctor had told us it is sometimes best to wait until 12 weeks to tell people you are pregnant but I'm glad we didn't.  I can't imagine going through this and not telling anyone. Our friends and family have been so supportive. We have received flowers and cards which help so much because it feels like people are recognizing that that was our child we lost, not just a fetus. I'm beginning to feel somewhat normal again. We went and bought a box to put a few baby keepsakes in. I used my baby journal as a sort of scrapbook and wrote a letter in it to Grace. We decided that our baby was a girl and named her Grace. I am trying to get some perspective on the whole situation and slowly things are looking up. No matter how much I miss Grace and wish she were still cozy in my tummy, I know that soon we will be excited for another baby and I'll always have memories of my first little kiddo and how happy she made me.}
{For tonight....comfort food :)}
ali <3


  1. Praying for you...I lost a baby last year, in the process I most died too. I'm thankful that I'm ok now. And now I am 3 months pregnant and everday I am scared soemthing might go wrong.

    You're right, we tell our stories, because there might be someone out there that is going through the same thing.

  2. Aww I'm so sorry!! I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you. :(

    Little Sugar Monster

  3. Ali, you guys are consistently in my prayers and Thomas and I have been hurting for you. You're so right about sharing the news, even after we lost our baby we continued to share everytime we were pregnant because we couldn't imagine keeping that pain a secret. I remember the fear and I just lay there shaking,I'd never felt so scared. Grace will always be your baby and someday you'll get to see her! I look forward to that day so much. God has wonderful plans for your family and I'll continue to pray for your healing heart. Take good care of yourself girlfriend.

  4. I just started crying reading this, and I am so sorry to hear it. I am absolutely at a loss for words, but I would definitely give you a big hug if I could.

  5. So sorry, Ali. You & Nicolai are in my prayers.

  6. Ali, I am so sorry!
    I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers. Can't imagine what you're going through but know that God has a plan!
    Sending lots of love your way. xo.

  7. Ali, I am so blessed by the strong woman of God you are...I love you and I will always love my first grandchild, baby Grace...Mom

  8. Hi! I came over here because you are a new follower of my blog, and I wanted to check yours out as well.
    My, oh, my.
    Just by reading this one post, I am astounded at how at peace with this situation you seem. You are an amazing woman, I can tell.
    But anyways.. God has a plan - and in the end, I think you will be very blessed by what's happened. I'm praying for you and your family. <3
    I can't wait to get to know you, via the blogworld!
    Have a wonderful holiday season!
    xo - haley

  9. i am sending you so much love right now! naming her is beautiful and I am so happy that you had people to be there for you! *love love love*
    thank you for sharing! <3

  10. I stumbled upon your blog through another blog, and saw this post. I also miscarried in October of 2010, and unlike you, I didn't inform my blog readers of what had happened. It is so difficult to talk about, discuss, and share with anyone (even a husband sometimes...) You are a strong woman, and I admire you for that!